I follow a lot of social media. I'm on Facebook and Instagram and blogs. It has become a nice outlet to the outside world when you spend each day with little people, having little people conversations, doing little people things, and finding interesting things in your hair like macaroni and cheese and boogers. Let me be clear, I am so blessed to stay at home with my kiddos, it has been my biggest challenge and greatest blessing! I can't imagine a more fulfilling role. However, sometimes sanity to me is jumping on my tablet and seeing what the rest of the world is up to.
But, there are days when I make the decision NOT to look. Case and point below. Note: I know this is a long one, hang in there! My rambling does have a point.
Let's say you come across this adorable picture on Instagram, Facebook, etc.
AWWWWWWW right? Don't I have the most HANDSOME boy in the world?
And below this adorable picture would be something like this.....
My boy is so good at cutting! My handsome little preschooler! #growingtoofast #lovemyboy.
Here is what my thought process would be looking at this as an outsider:
OH look at that adorable boy! And he is working on a cutting project. Oh I'll bet his mom spent that last hour working on that with him. Teaching him. Bonding with him. And look at his huge smile. He is thriving. I need to do more projects with Easton, is he learning enough from me? Will he be ready for school? Do we have a good and strong bond? Have I helped him gain confidence for when he goes in the outside world? Oh no I'm not doing near enough! I need to do more! And look how clean the house is. I bet her house is SPARKLING. And probably smells like flowers. And a delicious dinner simmering in the crockpot. OH my house is a wreck. Why can't I keep it clean? What on earth am I going to make for dinner? Do we even have milk? Yada...yada...yada.....you get the idea.
OH Mommy Guilt! Anyone else struggle with it?
Let me show you what is REALLY going on minus my most favorite photo tool: cropping.
This is me being honest. This was my kitchen this morning. Let me tell you about our morning.
It started EARLY when my boy got up and played sword fighting with his toy chest, waking up the baby. Both of my kiddos have been sporting endless running noses and grumpiness from colds. I rush them through breakfast. Which results in cheerios and strawberry oatmeal EVERYWHERE. Throw both kiddos in the tub (since they too are covered in oatmeal) and rush to get all of us out the door fully clothed and clean so we can get groceries before baby girl needs her nap. Believe me missing this nap is a BAD idea. This rushing, as always, results in a lot of tears and frustration on both parts, scavenging for socks, shoes, underwear, and bickering with my strong and independent boy who will not be rushed. And as soon as we are all in the car I sit down and wallow in my Mommy Guilt for being so impatient and frustrated and worried I have scarred my children's development. We trek our way into the store, it's windy and my girl cuddles into my neck and my boys holds on to my hand (love this) but my body screams at me as I am also carrying an unborn baby boy due to make his arrival in less than 3 weeks. This body of mine is TIRED, deep in the bones tired, and hurts everywhere. By some miracle we find what we need at the grocery story, only forgetting the butter (SHOOT!) and we get back to the car while my son throws a massive fit that the stickers from the cashier are the wrong size and my girl is so ready for her nap and stuffy that she is beside herself. With the help of some string cheese we make it home in one piece with only one pullover to retrieve my girl's binky from my boy's hands. Somehow I manage to get the kiddos and groceries inside without blowing away (by the way I really do love this wind). Once my girl is settled I search my mind for something to keep my boy busy and entertained while I attack my disaster of a kitchen and get groceries put away. AH SCISSORS! I clear just enough room on the table for him to go to town cutting up ads and magazines which he adds to his "cutting collection". As I begin to attack the mess I find him sitting on the table smiling and says, "Look Mama, I a good cutter. YOU taught me that!" These moments are the payoff. And that boy of mine melts my heart. I want to remember it so I grab my tablet and capture that beautiful and proud smile of his.
I love being a mom. So often I get caught up in Mommy Guilt and unrealistic expectations of what my daily life should be and all I should be accomplishing. I get caught up in the
idea of a sparkling kitchen and shiny-faced children. I forget about those proud smiles from my boy or the way my girl toddles over to me to get a kiss on her most current boo boo. I forget how fulfilling it is to sit on the bunkbed with my boy and read as many books as we possibly can. Or play endless blanket peek-a-boo games with my girl who never tires of it. My children truly are my world.
So the next time you are having a rough day, feel less than adequate, and (as I often do) feel like a complete failure, take it with a grain of salt. Remember that you are seeing a very small window into the world of another mommy who might also be struggling just as you are.
No this does not mean I will stop using my cropping tool! And I know we are telling the truth when we proudly show our kiddos and/or other accomplishments. We should be proud, we should be sharing! Just remember we are ALL human. As my mom often reminds me: Don't compare your worst day and hardest moments to others' best days and the shining moments.
And now for someone who says it far more eloquently:
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